Now or never
by grainipiot
Summary: Time was counted, soon he would have to say goodbye. Unless he confessed before the end of the year. Set in the True Damage AU, the first step in their relationship. [confession, pre canon, TD AU]


These days were the worst. Time got shorter little by little and there was nothing he could do against it. Mere spectator, Yasuo saw everything happening.

Revision time. Less than a month before graduation, the happiest time of the year. It was quite funny because actually, Yasuo had no exams to pass this year. For him, it would be next one. So getting nervous about something that didn't concern him could seem useless.

There was one reason though. If he wasn't passing exams, Yi was. This year was his last one in highschool, unless he failed but this was the least likely thing in the world. Yasuo knew him too well for this.

The last highschool year of his best friend. Time had seemed infinite at the beginning of the year and now it was far too short. How was he supposed to survive after Yi's graduation ? He still had one year to go while the latter would leave and surely study elsewhere.

Because Yasuo had a problem usually called a huge crush. It refused to go away since he had realized times ago. After all, it would be quite normal to fall in love during highschool.

Only, for a guy from another year. One of Yone's classmates. This was how they met. Freshly arrived in highschool, Yasuo had yet to make some friends so he stayed with his brother in the first months. Yi too wasn't really far from Yone, since they were already friends.

From a glimpse of beauty to the first signs of a crush, Yasuo knew he was doomed. Completely. No way back.

How could he resist ? Yi was the discreet type, hidden treasure that could catch the eye of only a few. Kind after an at first quiet façade, he was the one everyone could trust for his honesty. Sometimes blunt, as Yasuo learned, he always meant well.

No, it wasn't just this peaceful aura that led him to Yi. It was also his smile. Not the most common thing to see but not rare neither. Like a rainbow, beautiful phenomenon that made dayly life a little better.

When it had become clear he was too fond of him, Yasuo got so confused with himself. Why Yi ? Yet he already knew why, deeply. Nights spent making lists of what he liked from the man he called friend after they agreed on it. A friend. Probably more than he deserved yet he came to crave for something else. For the first time it really hit him to feel such need to be close to someone else. Not once he enjoyed as much presence.

Now time ran short. Practically a whole year since he admitted feelings to himself. It could be dealt with later. It wouldn't really matter. It wouldn't last – yet he hoped it would. Many reasons he found not to worry too much. But as the year went, Yasuo had to face it, soon Yi would graduate and leave. It was bound to happen, no matter how ready he was.

This long cycle of longing, small hopes and down led him right there, on a quiet afternoon at the library with Yi. These days were the worst because everyone was so busy working – or not – for their future exams and the global mood was hell. Most of Yasuo's classmates didn't care, their time to die hadn't come yet but for him, his heart threatened to give up day after day.

_Please, just a little longer_. It wasn't too much to ask ? A few days to spend with Yi, to pretend they would still see each other as much as before.

Right now, he was tolerated at Yi's table while he worked. Usually he let Yasuo stay here, as long as he remained quiet. This was a library after all and one had to respect each anxious student. Well, he was worried too, just not for the same reasons.

Yi was sitting in front of him, taken in his revisions with his typical serious. Straight face, all attention to whatever he studied in that moment. Maths, if Yasuo guessed right.

So to say, it was still a good time, without his helpless thoughts about incoming separation. He couldn't talk but it was fine, Yi was here. Handsome as ever, in a way Yasuo could just appreciate like water in summer. This kind of thoughts wasn't old, it hadn't left him alone for long so now he simply stopped caring about it. He was still allowed to look at what he couldn't take.

Was it out of reach, though ? This was the exact debate that went on his mind everytime. The year would soon come to an end, they wouldn't get to see each other afterward but nothing was settled yet. He could tell him. And maybe get gently pushed away but at least he would know.

Something else to worry about. Because yes it would be really nice if it was mutual. Yasuo didn't dare to hope that much but dreams were sweet. How many times was he at the brink of breaking and asking him ? He was powerless against such pretty smile and he lost his words every time.

And again, books on the table reminded him his time was fleeing. He had to make a move soon, before it was too late. _How ? _Always the same questions, he never found an answer. How to confess love to a dear friend ? He didn't even know if Yi liked men or not, if he liked him in any ways. Not really the sort of thing to ask.

There came fear. What if he took too long ? What if it wasn't welcome ? No need to worry about consequences of confessing, to do it was the first matter._ I don't know..._

A bit of courage was needed. Maybe all it took.

One time while Yasuo was lost in this mess of 'I should ask but how', the latter looked up from his books to him. Just this, barely the time to check on him and smile as if it was a miracle that Yasuo was still here and silent. Then Yi returned to his work, the smile lingering longer.

Exactly what his heart craved, racing within seconds. _Please, have mercy. I can't take it_. Always killed on the spot by such discreet attentions. However Yi considered him, he always showed a bit of affection in his own ways. Something Yasuo learned to see with time.

Too much to take. He knew too well this kind of instants would be gone in a month. It stung to remember. _I don't want that_.

In these moments, he wished he had the strenght to do it. To ask.

_Come on. Do it_.

It would only get more difficult as time went, this was a good time. Yet at the mere thought of actually doing it, Yasuo felt like blushing. _No no no. Don't coward_. Yi was right here, it was possible.

Deep breath then he went to speak. Stopped as quick. _Shit_. It was dumb, wasn't it ? They were at the library, he wouldn't dare to bother all the students there. So much for really making a move and realize afterward that it couldn't be made right there.

Yet the intention remained, he wouldn't let this pass. So he followed their habits in these quiet times and grabbed his phone.

Even more stupid but it was the only way before he lost his courage and shut up forever. Yasuo went to send the latter a message but again, he was stopped. No idea what to say, what to write.

_Fuckkkkkk_.

It was supposed to be easy, no ? Just to confess, say the damn words. But Yasuo couldn't bring himself to be so direct, without warning.

Several times he typed then deleted then typed over again. _What am I doing, what am I doing, help... _More of this and the latter would suspect something.

After five long minutes spent torturing himself for a nice phrasing, Yasuo gave up. This was too much work to say things prettily. So he rushed in and hoped for the best, typing his thoughts as it arrived. It was so hard not to send this bit by bit like he would usually do because now he had to get it out all at once.

**[yi ? hey, sry, ik you're busy. just, i have to say it. i love you. like, a lot lot. not like friends. you don't have to like me, dw, t'was just to tell you before you finished highschool]**

A real mess, if he could say so. At least it expressed his feelings. Still, Yasuo added more in his anxious state.

**[ik it's gay. But i'm gay for you, haha]**

Too much but it would do. The messages were sent and as quick it made him tense with anticipation. _I did it_. Then he couldn't have regrets anymore.

As to kill him on the spot, he saw Yi's phone light up to indicate a new message. Of course when they went here he muted his phone but he still made sure to have it near to see if anything arrived. So Yi noticed the message and took his phone with barely hinted curiosity.

_Shit shit shit_.

It was really happening. Yasuo couldn't stop himself from staring, paying attention to the faintest reaction. Already he thought his heart wouldn't survive, given the stakes.

He saw, as Yi took some time to check the message. He saw, holding his breath and losing it little by little. He saw, when the latter paused.

So far from imagining the tension of confession. Yasuo was right there, his most anxious point he could remember and it made him feel so weird. Soon his hopes could be potentially broken or granted.

It took longer than he expected. No reaction beyond a slightly wider gaze from Yi but even that was quite reserved. Nothing to guess from this. Seconds came one by one, fueling his worries.

_Please..._ Just an answer, yes or no. A reaction.

Then Yi looked at him, that first expression of faint surprise changing to something else. Deeper, alike disbelief. Yasuo had no idea how to take this. Several times the latter looked at him then his phone, sort of alternating in increasing restlessness. _Good... ?_

A blush. It appeared suddenly and colored softly Yi's face. It wasn't often he could see such reaction from him, always so composed.

After this start of mutual fluster, Yi seemed to want to say something but stopped himself. Probably he remembered where they were at the moment.

Yasuo couldn't stay still, ready to faint mentally if he was to be kept in secrets. He needed to know, for everything screamed it was mutual. It could be.

The awaited move happened. Instead, Yi opted for his phone and typed something quickly. A message for hiw without a doubt. If it was possible, Yasuo's heartbeat got faster. Would he make it out alive ?

It arrived instantly, very short message.

**[Come with me]**

Not even the time for him to process it, Yi stood and gazed at him in such strange way he couldn't describe. Anxiety, who knew ?

Without questioning the order – or request – Yasuo stood in an impressive reflex, too tense for anything. After a lingering look, the latter stepped away with resolute steps, rather fast. He barely turned to glance at Yasuo as to check if he followed.

_Wait wait wait where we going ?_

Far too unsure, his mind found thousands of outcomes, part of it full of fear. Was it good or not ? Slowly his brain worked and he understood they were going somewhere they would be able to talk.

Indeed, after he joined Yi in barely hidden haste, he was led to the area around the stairs. There it was fine to chat and phone. It killed Yasuo a little more when the latter took them to the farthest corner from passage.

Then silence fell, even as they were supposed to talk after coming to this specific area. Nothing came. Yasuo's words got stuck just like his breath, waiting for anything from the latter. It was already too much to gather his courage and make a confession, not once he expected this to be so intense.

Yi faced him. It was in this instant, after meeting his gaze, that Yasuo understood. Equal fluster, the soft kind of embarrassment. That red over his cheeks got slightly darker and nothing could make him more gorgeous than this.

It was the time he chose to speak.

« Could you tell me, please ? I...would like to hear you say it for real. » It sounded quite composed although a hint of curiosity and vulnerability could be found there.

If that was possible, it took Yasuo aback further. Torn between compliance and his worry. It had been already so much to say it once, be it through texts. _Do it, he needs to hear it_.

« I-I love you. » It burned him and made him more alive than ever. So heavy words, when one didn't know reciprocity. Yasuo couldn't stay on that, first reflex to hide his blush : « But that's alright, we cool. Not forcing you. Hell, I don't even know if you like guys or not. Just...don't hate me please. » In the end it came out like a laugh, which he didn't know against himself or his situation. He had never been good with his words, not in personal moments like these.

Like a confession to a loved friend.

When it became too much to bear, Yasuo averted his gaze. He had already given all he could before. Now he merely waited for judgement, heart pounding in his chest so fast he feared it might be heard.

« Thank you, for telling me. »

It broke silence although Yasuo's attention was on something else. As he spoke, Yi stepped closer, enough to reach his personal space. Enough to make eye contact impossible to dodge. Then contact, merely a hand brushing his. It never settled for long, like shy in initiating anything.

That already caught Yasuo's breath, to feel that kind of contact now he gave it another meaning. And everything shattered when Yi gave up on manners and rested his face to his shoulder.

_OH_.

Was that a yes ? The latter wouldn't have done this if he felt nothing. Yet Yasuo was so confused, lost in hidden messages and clear words. He didn't dare to move, frozen there under dear contact.

Visibly it wasn't enough for Yi, because he whispered to him in this minimal space between them : « You're right, that's gay. And I don't mind at all. I may have similar...feelings toward you for quite some time. »

There, what he had been waiting for. _Oh god_. Yasuo could die happy now. Yet all he felt was large relief and sudden surge of love.

« So you...too ? » So small, a bit disbelieving after all he imagined. He shook lightly, his face feeling hot.

What was truly unbelievable was the fact that they barely touched each other, nothing more than Yi's leaning against his shoulder. Nothing. The previous barrier of contact remained in Yasuo's mind, even though he had different boundaries from everyone for seeking contact no matter what. He wanted to hold Yi. It was true, no ? It would be alright ?

Just after his question, Yi seemed to catch himself and jerked slightly away. Before it could hurt Yasuo's heart, his hands fled to his face and seeked his gaze to communicate beyond words.

« I love you too. How could I not ? »

Last words before he closed distance and kissed Yasuo. Right then and there, in a far corridor of the library, without care for the world. The instant would stay engraved in his memories, for his heart felt like stopping while simultaneously beating fast for this new love. Yasuo couldn't hold back anymore. On reflex he embraced Yi, arms laced around him with desperation.

Perfect. The feeling of lips against his, the eagerness of this all, the sweetness of these words ringing in his ears. Love.

_Thanks_.

Was it all it took ? To wait patiently ?

Yi couldn't really believe it yet, even as he had to the solid proof of their newly-found love under his hands. Wonderful, truly. A kiss he never dared to hope for. And now it became real, like the way Yasuo clung to him and pressed back into the kiss. Was it supposed to taste like this ? Like the sweetest thing ever ? He guessed it was mostly his mind making this up but it was the best feeling to experience.

Love.

_He loves me too._ He could still see vividly these words, engraved in his mind to be cherished. Not once he thought about crying over a text but here he was.

Because for a long time he had been questionning himself about these feelings. They wouldn't go so easily, he came to realize after a while. It was too strong. But at the same time, it was about Yasuo. A man worth loving, even though it wasn't possible for anyone. Loud, brilliant Yasuo, he really made him feel something new. Usually Yi wouldn't be able to bear for so long someone of that kind but he learned little by little what the latter hid to most. A certain friendliness and loyalty, deeply covered by pride.

To see through all this took some time but Yi made and enjoyed his company since then. Beyond that. It grew without pause, until he felt it was different than mere friends. He would still see him this way but his heart ached for a closer way to affection. The kind one couldn't give without intimacy, be it between friends or lovers.

For his last year in highschool he went quietly on his work and not once Yasuo left him alone. Always by his side, sharing lunch time, didn't mind at all, seeked it more so. Too good pretext to be around the latter, let him take his ease and come closer. This natural instinct to reach for anyone was cute, he concluded after so many occasions of being held and grabbed innocently.

When he started to feel this warm love, Yi had become too aware of each touch. It wasn't unwelcome but it felt like a burn. If they were under other terms, what would this mean ? For now it was 'just' friends. But sometimes he could just let Yasuo follow his reflex, leaning against him. It was nice and he took whatever was offered graciously.

However not once he would have thought about this. About Yasuo confessing to him directly. It was even funnier because he had been thinking about it too, confessions and such. One day he wouldn't have been able to see Yasuo so he came to the conclusion a final loving word would be right. After his graduation, whenever he could he would find an occasion and talk his heart out.

Yet, the latter was faster than him. Who would have thought ? A text, seemingly out of nowhere but Yi trusted there were signs before. Just that he wasn't able to see it.

Reading the text over and over again, until he could visualize it by himself. In that instant, Yasuo's expression was priceless, making this whole thing even more true. Dear embarrassment, tinted by a blush and visible anticipation. When Yi saw that he couldn't stop himself, about the break the very silence of this library.

One quick message then he left with as much self-control as he could give in that moment. Innerly, he was close to scream. Imagine waiting almost a whole year, basking into the smallest attention for the target of one's love, just to be asked out suddenly. His heart pound so hard in his chest while Yasuo followed him, quiet steps behind him he couldn't ignore.

All this to this instant. A memory to keep forever. At the limit of stutter, charming bother, Yasuo stood there. Where did the talkative guy go ? It felt like he left place to his most honest left, unsure and worried. Yi wanted to embrace him, soothe wahtever fears he might have.

To ask him to follow without already breaking it for him may have been cruel but Yi had no idea what to say in a text without overthinking it. In urgence, he decided it would be better to talk face to face.

Even as he tried to hide it like he always did, Yasuo was obviously out of his element, fidgeting a little. Of course this would have asked him a lot of courage, since he seemed to think this to be one-sided. At least, that was what Yi understood. Himself wasn't doing better. It had to be clear and direct but he merely succeeded at making a fool of himself. Hesitating about taking his hand or not, initiating contact or not. In the end he stopped this useless thinking to give into the urge for proximity.

_That was stupid_. Shame was fast to strike him, although soon enough it was clear he did good. It was alright, they could.

When he uttered these words and confessed in return, he thought it might be the most intense thing he ever felt. And it came in a reflex, after Yasuo sounded so lost yet hopeful for them. It was only fair to say it back, acknowledge what he felt for so long in silence. That he loved this noisy student, among any other. The one he grew to love.

So this kiss was the first and not the last. It became clear none of them would stand more than a second without it, clinging to simple contact. It felt amazing, like liquid euphoria running his veins. He had someone. He had Yasuo and they both wanted this. Oh sweet feeling to be loved as much. This was the intention he had been craving all this time.

They kissed, until they couldn't breathe anymore, only to share the same air and relish contact. One time their gazes met and Yi felt this surge of emotion tying his voice. To be wanted to such point was heartwarming. Forehead to forehead Yi kept him right there until they were able to calm down. This was an illusion though. Within seconds they gave up and kissed again and again.

Reason came back and with it, awareness for their situation. _Oh no_. They weren't alone, not really. Anyone could walk by and find them like this. Not the most shameful thing, it was still quite soft but it showed too much. His face burned a little, a staining red he felt more than saw.

When he looked at Yasuo, that blush was sort of mirrored. Neither could stop this, too shaken. Lips trailed over his cheek, making him hungry for more but again, reason kept him from it.

« Wait, Yasuo... » The most gentle gesture he could make, even as he tried to put safe distance between them. A glance around wasn't enough to calm his worry.

_Calm down_. Everything felt like it could end before he knew it but this wasn't true. Fighting this urge would do nothing so Yi went instead to hold his hand. Accepted as quick, to his relief.

« Y-Yes ? » To hear him like this was rare but it had its own charm.

« We're in public. I fear we should move somewhere else or stop. »

« I don't wanna stop... I wanted this for so long. »

So sweet to hear. Yi felt the exact same but he couldn't forget everything to passion.

« I love each second but please, we can't stay here. »

To make it clear, he kissed Yasuo deeply to pull back jsut after, dying innerly for not taking more but he had to.

A pout was his reward, that he found too endearing for what it was. Nonetheless, Yasuo complied and let go faintly.

« Yasuo... I still have work to do but will you stay with me ? Once I'm done we'll go where you want. »

So much life sparkled in Yasuo's gaze at the mere mention of their free time afterward. This was so new, each second would be a discovery.

« Okay okay, I'll try to stay quiet. But ahhhh I can't believe we're...what are we ? ...boyfriends ? »

Arrow through his heart, the opposite of deadly. Yasuo could be really intense to follow around, so many emotions at once. And now Yi felt it too, impacted by his fluster and soft eagerness.

_Boyfriends..._

Short nod, all too happy : « Yes, boyfriends. This sounds wonderful. »

Whatever he might have said about a last kiss was forgotten when Yasuo jumped to get another one, communicating his joy through gestures.

No doubt Yi would adapt to this just fine.

After all, the first step was often the most difficult. This one would mark the beginning of a long story for both to share.


End file.
